I’ve now been on the road for a month. It’s time I shared some things I’ve learned in that time from walking, and going to restaurants and hotels. Of course, it is a little tongue in cheek.

1. Pedestrian crossings are merely advisory to drivers of an area of the road where some fool may be stupid enough to cross.

2. Italian drivers use their indicator lights sparingly for fear of blowing a light bulb.

3. It is forbidden to use a pedestrian crossing without first determining that there is
not a car to be seen in either direction.

4. Signs that indicate the distance to the next town should not be taken as gospel: they are merely a rough guess.

5. Arrows which appear to be directing you to the left or the right are really saying ‘go straight ahead’. Italians learned very early on that to point an arrow skywards to indicate straight ahead would lead to chaos.

6. Italians like talking on their mobile telephones when driving, especially truck
drivers negotiating steep downhill slopes in the Tuscan hills.

7. Adornments hanging from rear vision mirrors are compulsory, particularly a set of rosary beads.

8. Bidet’s in hotel bathrooms should only be used to do hand washing.

9. Hotel shower units are impossibly small to give Italian medical researchers the opportunity to study the effects of water on claustrophobia.

10. No conversation in a public place, like a restaurant, is ever too loud.

11. Using hands to express yourself is mandatory. When driving a motor car taking both hands off the wheel to express oneself is a most desirable skill to possess.
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